1:00AM

Hi All, 

Last night I heard a couple fighting outside my window as I was falling asleep. About an hour later, I heard the same women sobbing on my floor in one of the rooms. Soon I heard her screaming in Thai and in English begging, saying "No! No!". I could hear thrashing and screaming as she fought of her perpetrator. I later heard gargling as she was being choked and then silence, then more screams. It last for about ten minutes on and off.

This happened once before, the same woman, a few days ago. I didn't mention it because I wanted so badly for my instinct to be wrong. That it wasn't real, that there wasn't a woman being abused by her partner. That it was a one time, horrible game people were playing and that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.

But it was. It was so awful. 

Becca and I texted/emailed each other as we sat trapped in our rooms, unable to help. The hardest thing about listening to this poor woman be attacked is that I wanted so badly for someone, anyone, to tear down the door grab that horrible man and drag him to prison. To take his face, smash it into the wall and make it all stop.

But no one came. The desperate screams kept going. My heart raced as if I were the one being attacked, as if I was in danger. When I heard the impact of her body thrash against the walls, it was my body being broken. My neck having two hands wrapped around it slowly being strangled.

In America, I have an awareness of what's socially acceptable, I have a hypothetical ability to help. But even then, in situations like this it's so important to know what you're doing.

I know that if I reached out to her, posted a sign in Thai with abuse center contact information, called the police, talked to the manager, talked to other people down the hall, blared a fog horn at their door when the fighting started. Even with all this, there is a legitimate danger that I could be jeopardizing her safety and my own. That the man could retaliate against her for drawing attention to the abuse, or flare up against me for attempting to intervene.

I'm not a citizen of this country, nor do I speak the language. I don't know how to help or who to call and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to explain what's going on. The helplessness I feel in this situation, accepting that she must be the one to reach out or someone else must intervene....it's so heartbreaking and tragic. 

 I want so badly to be a hero and somehow, save this woman. Tragically, it seems that a combination of cultural acceptance and bystander effect silences any opportunity to help her.

But her screams of terror are still ringing in my ears this morning.

....

Today I have a long day of teaching. Six classes straight from 10:50 till 4:00pm and then afterwards I have to go to a mandatory Christmas Party with my boss and co workers that promises to last forever and have plenty of awkward moments. I had a difficult time falling back asleep after the attack last night, today is going to be a long day.

Thanks for reading, and please don't think I'm in any danger. It's pretty obvious at this point that the perpetrator is in some sort of relationship with the victim and is attacking her, not going out and attacking people in the apartment. I plan to keep my head down, stay quiet,  and try to move out as soon as possible. Which is disappointing, because I really do love our new apartment, but it must be done for my own mental health. 

Much Love, 

Andi